Sore legs = good

I went out today again. Sore when I walked out the door. I'd been working all day in the house, and the weather seemed to have finally broken, so I was ready to get out. The wind has been howling here from Hurricane Ike, and the skies were grey, but the rain has stayed away. And the temperature has dropped. Perfect start to fall running weather. And it was a good run. 

I'm full of excuses. I don't say them out loud, normally, but I'm full of them in my head. And I'm trying to silence that voice. I also like to nip that excuse-filled voice in the bud and invite in my more positive self-talk. so I expect that my writings in the next few weeks as I work my way back into shape will be full of both--positive self-talk and nipping excuses in the bud.

Big breath. Here goes. Kevin and I have been wanting to have a baby, and I've used that as an excuse in the last several months. Every month has been a different drug and another blood test and a big sigh... and it hasn't gone the way it seems to go for most people. But the drugs do change the body a bit. And the process does affect the mind a bit. And so running has taken a back seat as I was assuming that any day now I wouldn't be able to run anyway. Silly, but true. Enough of that nonsense. We still want to have a baby, but it's not an excuse to not run, for crying out loud. 

Putting it out there on a blog seems a bit forward. People whisper about these things. They don't seem to talk about them. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because they don't want people asking about something that holds such potential for both joy and disappointment. Or if people know that they want to have a baby, when they finally get to have one, the surprise of it won't be as great. Or maybe it's just because it's a pretty private thing (although some of my relatives don't seem to mind bringing it up now and again). I've considered just telling people that we're unable to have kids so that if we do finally get pregnant, it will seem to be some sort of a miracle...and perhaps then people won't ask about it. But maybe I just want to talk about it.

The thing is, we've wanted to sell this other house for two years now. And it's gotten to the point that it's almost embarrassing that we haven't been able to sell it--as if not selling a house that we aren't even living in is some sort of a reflection of inadequacy on our part. And Kevin's family has gotten to the point that they won't even ask about that house any more. What does this have to do with our trying to have a baby? If we put it out there that we are trying, I wonder if people will at some point get to the point where they, too, don't want to ask about it. 

Sometimes I enjoy being brutally honest about personal topics because I like to wade through the social crap that seems to create barriers between people... but then other people don't appreciate that bluntness, and it tends to have the same affect. 

Ahhhh, the phone... cut short by the phone.